The spring break that we are all returning from here at UB Law was definitely needed. I personally had a spring break like I have never had before. I met lots of people and drank more than anyone should in one week. It was fantastic and altogether exhausting. However, I find myself saddened by the notion that school starts again tomorrow… mostly because of a couple of people I met down in New Orleans, people I would love to see again, but know school will make that incredibly difficult. Adding to the difficulty is the fact that I was able to get closer with the people that I went on vacation with, and even though they live here and are in my classes, we too will probably not have many opportunities to really talk for the remainder of this semester.  The only choice one has to avoid the impending depression from a lack of social engagement, combined with a painful awareness of what is out there, is to throw yourself into your work and be as active as possible. With elections, oral arguments, the Barrister’s ball, a friend’s bridal shower, and fundraisers for 4 organizations that I am a part of, not to mention volunteer work, I am pretty sure I will be able to distract myself as well as I can until May.

Within the daily ritual of indoctrination and the gameplay of the Socratic method we are stripped of our emotions and taught to use only the quick, logical, and well-reasoned neuropaths, detouring our personal convictions and beliefs. It isn’t that we aren’t allowed to think freely; it is simply that our freethinking must wear concrete shoes. This lack of emotion in the academic setting does help stop the depression that every grad student faces at some point, especially those in Med or Law school. However, when you go away to law school, no matter how hard you try, at the end of the day when you crawl into your one bedroom apartment and say goodnight to the refrigerator, the lonely monster will creep up on you. It isn’t pretty, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that it will pass, and at the end of this little journey you will have so much to look forward to. This is something I remind myself everyday; the sacrifice of today is for a bright and beautiful tomorrow, not only for me, but for those my career affects.

1. Write the address of and directions to your destination on paper before you go.
2. Do not pull out your fancy smart phone unless you absolutely have to.
3. Place $20 in your wallet, and then hide any remaining cash and one credit card in the ankle part of your sock, tucked into your shoe.
4. Pretend that you are on your way to murder someone in a really gruesome way, and have a look on your face that reveals that fact to the world.

At about 8 PM, I entered the metro station at University at Buffalo’s South Campus, bought my fare, and pranced down the escalator to the platform. It was the beginning of a delightful evening, and I wanted everyone to know just how happy I was. When I arrived at the platform I remembered that I hadn’t written down directions to or the address of my destination, and adorably had absolutely no idea where I was going, Luckily, I have a fancy smart phone, which I pulled out, and attempted to use. The attempt was fruitless, however, as no one gets service in the NFTA tunnels. As I was placing the phone back into my coat, a sketchy gentleman from the other end of the platform walked towards me, looking around, eventually passing behind me, and ended up on the platform next to me.

This is the point where rule number 4 is very important, and doing the opposite of rule number 4 would be quite stupid. Being that I am incredibly intelligent, I chose to do the opposite of rule number 4. I turned directly towards him and smiled a big smile and nodded slightly as if to say, “good day sir!” I then turned back around, faced the train tracks and started to hum and wobble in place. Twas the beginning of a wonderful evening in the ghetto of Buffalo.

After waiting a few minutes, the train finally arrived. Entering the train I held the door for a couple of ladies, and smiled at them, and then entered the train myself. Everything seemed normal, the usual peppering of characters riding the train, but all of them harmless. However, about two stops in, the sketchy guy that I had smiled at on the platform got out of his car and entered into mine. He sat on the bench next to the pole I was leaning on and, as the train started back up again, he leaned over and mumbled something. I turned over and said, “what?” And he said, a bit more clearly, “I saw your cellphone. When we get off the train can I use it to make a call?”

The man was wearing a big brown baggy Carhart coat, baggy blue jeans tucked into his brown boots, some maroon colored gloves, a maroon knit winter hat pulled down just over his eyebrows, and a scarf wrapped all the way up to his nose so I could really only see his eyes. He looked to be about 5’8”, but the bagginess of his clothes made it difficult to discern a shape.

I did not want to upset him, and so I politely said, “no, I don’t think it works.” To which he replied, “No, I mean when we get out, no one gets service down here man, when we get out I want to use it.” This time I was a bit more blunt and said, “no, I don’t think so.”

Despite the fact that I told him he couldn’t use my phone, he wouldn’t leave from where he was seated. He started to try and make conversation with me; he told me that he is a student, flashed me some IDs that I didn’t ask for, and told me that he was studying “counseling.” After I hadn’t said much he tried even harder to gain my trust by saying, “you probably think I am a robber the way I am dressed, but I don’t normally dress like this, it is just cold.” Everything he said, he said through his tightly wrapped scarf, never once loosening it or taking it down, despite the warmth of the subway car. I had several more stops before I was getting out, but I knew this problem was not going to go away, so I took a risk. I decided that I was better off having him near me when we got out of the train then having him wandering behind me, stalking me. I turned to him and said, “If my phone works when we get off then maybe you can use it.” He didn’t say thank you, but instead looked away for a minute. He started again to make conversation, trying to learn where I was going, which I wouldn’t reveal to him. Stop after stop, the look in his eyes became a bit more predatory, and his body language became twitchy and nervous.

When we arrived at my stop, I told him this was my stop, and he followed.  We rode the escalator together; I kept him three stairs in front of me the whole time. On the way up to the lobby I looked around, found the security cameras and also a payphone up ahead, and then I turned off my mobile when his back was to me. I began to get nervous about how I was actually going to lose him. There wasn’t anyone in the lobby, but I knew it would be better to stay in there for a bit, under the cover of the security cameras.

As we stepped off the escalator I swore and then said, “my battery died,”  swearing some more, in hopes that this would add to the authenticity of my dissapointment. I then explained, “I was checking my phone on the platform earlier to get directions to where I was going because my battery was low, and it just died.” I immediately placed the phone in my inside coat pocket, tucked in my scarf, and zipped it up tight. He looked a bit stunned. I then pulled out a dollar that I had in my pocket and said, “I can give you a dollar and you can use that payphone.” He started to shake his head. For a moment I thought that maybe he really needed to use a phone and maybe he really was just another student, so I repeated, “If you really just need to make a phone call there is a payphone right in here where it is warm and I will gladly give you change.”

He started to mumble a bit, and then, as if he had just remembered, he said, “oh, wait, umm… I really just need to see if my car is here.” He looked out the glass door for about a second and said, “Oh it is, right there, see?” He wanted me to come closer to look at his car with him, which I didn’t. Suddenly it occurred to me that we had never established that we were getting off at the same station, and he hadn’t gotten up until I had told him that it was my stop; what a coincidence it would be that his car happens to be right here. I then quickly stepped to the side near him and noticed that where he was pointing for me to look, there were no cars. I then took three large steps back and again offered, “I will give you money, but my phone doesn’t work.” He got really angry, asked me if I thought he was homeless, and started to stutter. I seized the opportunity to brush by him and onto the street where there should be more people… and their weren’t. “Come on,” he yelled, “I just need it to, um, call the driver so I can use the car.”

It was starting to blizzard outside, there was not a single soul on the street, and I had no idea where I was going. I looked to the right and only saw a poorly lit residential street. To the left there were some streetlights and a pizza parlor, so I chose to go left. The man started following behind yelling, “wait up! What about your mobile, you told me I could use it!” Frustrated, I turned around and walked right up to him and yelled, “here, take the dollar, there is a pizza shop across the street, get change there and make your phone call.” I shoved it into his chest; he took it and walked across the street.

For a moment I felt some sympathy for him. I started to think again that perhaps he really was a student, but that possibility quickly left my mind. I watched as he crossed the street, but didn’t go in the pizza parlor; instead he ducked down behind some cars. I looked around to see if there was anyplace to go so that I could pull out my phone and see where I was. Unfortunately, on my side of the street there was just the façade of a big building. As I quickened my pace, out of the corner of my eye I noticed that the man was now following me across the street, ducking behind parked cars as he found them, trying not to be seen. Ahead of me, I saw a break in the building’s façade, an alley that opened into a parking lot. I saw someone walking up ahead and decided to turn into this parking lot so that I could at least have a witness nearby. However, right as I turned into the alley, I heard the fast patter of footsteps and turned around just in time to see the man sprinting right toward me. I took off and ran for a block or two until I saw a light coming from the doorway of a clinic. I burst through the door, scaring a security guard, and ducked around a corner so the man couldn’t see me. I told the security guard what was happening and he looked on the security camera monitors and told me that the man was running around the building, back and forth, peering through the glass doors.

I waited in the safety of the clinic’s lobby for about 15 minutes and was able to finally pull out my mobile and get directions. Ironically, the wine bar that I was seeking was just across the street, so I called my friend and he met me outside. That same friend politely went out of his way to drive me home that night.

I think the oddest part was that nothing really happened to me, yet the shock of the experience resonated for a couple days after. I slept horribly that night, dreaming of the event and dreaming of what could have happened. I had dreams about other things as well, school and the like, but each dream ended with me running from something horrible or trying to save someone else from something horrible. The next day I felt embarrassed because I was still shaken from the experience, even though nothing really had happened, I was just chased by some guy on the street… some really stupid guy that clearly had no plan. Luckily, he was stupid and very slow, so I have no battle wounds or stolen cards or money, and for that I am very thankful.

I am not going to end this on a sad note, however, for that night did not end sadly. Instead I met some truly wonderful people, people that I am very much looking forward to spending more time with. The tiny event also reaffirmed my belief that rules can be a good thing, and as a law student I am learning that more and more each day… even outside of the classroom.

This is not only the case with love but with career as well. For most of us in the 20-something crowd we perhaps feel more pressure than ever to decided what we want to do for the rest of our lives so that we can start as early as possible at being the best at something. Then, once we realize we’ve made the wrong decision, we have a choice to either stick it out or follow a different road for a change. However, more often then not, a door opens where we’d least expect it, sometimes at an inconvenient moment, and down the path we go despite the difficulty of climbing up a new career ladder or having to wait in line before we truly get to where we want to be. This is perhaps due to that evil little bastard known as fate.

Fate is not a pleasant being by any means, but if we learn to relax and ride out whatever obstacles fate throws at us, we’ll see that fate wants what is best for us in the end. This is because fate is a little mystical elf with a really twisted sense of humor and a big heart. Fate is the type of elf that would spit in your face and give you one hundred dollars. Fate would send you to Alaska when your girlfriend is in Florida, simply because it will help you both grow. Fate wouldn’t even hesitate to make your dog sick just to get you to go to a veterinary clinic where you’ll meet your future business partner.

If ultimately fate opens the door to possibility and allows us to live a great life, then why the hell are we often blessed with or introduced to something so great and yet not able to fully enjoy it at the moment it is given to us? Why does fate allow us to fall in love and then temporarily move the two of you apart before you can fully realize the potential of the “us” you could have been. Why does fate allow us to discover that we’d like to live in New York City, Boston, or D.C., but then it sends us to school in Buffalo. Perhaps it is a test and what is really happening in these situations is that fate is showing us a gift, or a glimpse of our future, as motivation. Being torn away from something amazing for a time is fate’s way of saying, ”you’ve been doing the right thing, and here is where this road will end up… but right now you’ve got a little bit more to learn.” In other words, it may be very painful to have to be separate from something or someone that you hold so dear in your heart, but it isn’t fate punishing you, it is fate rewarding you with a glimpse of how wonderful your life will be.

I do feel a bit crazy. Every time I click on the little link on the little stupid website where we are able to find our freaking grades I watch as the curser floats its way up to the “refresh” button of my browser and begins clicking, repeatedly, about 500 times, in hopes that at that second the grades might change. Logically, they shouldn’t, as they are updated only once or twice a day (according to the time stamp on the website) but I still can’t resist… I just keep clicking away at that freaking “refresh” button hoping my freaking grades will start to show up, but they freaking never freaking do!

One of the most difficult aspects of going down any new path in life is the slight learning curve. There is always a period of time in which you find yourself adapting to the new challenges. Eventually you evolve enough that you feel confident in whatever method you’ve acquired to conquer the given task and move forward. Typically this period of learning lasts a day or a week, but in law school it seems to have lasted an entire semester. Every week I think I changed the way I read and the way I took notes or didn’t take notes. Some weeks I wrote down every word that the teacher spoke and other weeks I found myself doodling and gazing off into space, imagining Justice Scalia whispering sweet nothings in Justice Thomas’s ear.  I started to get a groove down a week or two before finals, but with no grades I don’t truly feel like I know if I’ve got my study habits nailed down.

So, what is a student to do? Right now I’ve got two choices: 1) actually writing my fictional romance novel based upon Scalia’s love-life during my classes this spring semester, or 2) be confident in what I’ve done, relax, and continue to work the way I did last semester. The latter is probably what I’ll choose, sorry for those desiring to hear about Scalia’s love life. If there is one thing I’ve really started to learn over the last few years it is that confidence really does carry you through a lot of life’s situations. Even if you don’t know what you are talking about, just say it with confidence and people will most likely buy into it; if they don’t, just throw in some really big words and then they’ll have to pretend to know what you’re talking about or risk looking really stupid. After all, that is how the Romans gargantiled with their piltocratic military regime in the mentachronic era.

In the meantime, I’ve got 5 days until class begins. So, I am going to resist looking at grades and spend everyday working out so I can start this semester with the clear mind and healthy body of a gladiator from the Jersey Shore.

It is like someone placed the campus in an overzealously filled snow-globe! There is at least a foot on the ground! I JUST WANT TO ROLL IN IT! LOOK AT IT!!!

Okay, so maybe this snow thing is not for everyone, but for we true northerners it just wouldn’t be a good winter without the fluffy white stuff. Although snow can create road hazards, skiing accidents and other seasonal gifts for lawyers, for many of us it brings about memories from childhood. Fond memories of snow angels and snowball fights just melt your heart along with those less fond memories of being trapped underneath a collapsed eight-foot pile of snow, or picking up a really cool looking rock only to discover it was dog poo.

Arguably, this all is a complete distraction from studying for finals. However, I think it is wonderful snowy days like this that serve as a reminder… a reminder that we all could use…

No matter how important grades and “success” might be to us, we have to remember that we are alive and that part of being alive is taking part in and enjoying the world around us. I think the biggest mistake we make as law students is falling into the belief that, “it is only three years of absolute sacrifice!” But does allowing yourself to go crazy for three years really only affect those three years? Think of all of those memories you have from years gone by that fill your life with such joy today. Now, imagine you decided to sit it out during just one of those years and didn’t allow for those wonderful memories to occur. In reality, every good memory we create will fill us with good feelings down the road and will make us more whole as we build our life’s story. So, is it really only 3 years of sacrifice?

I personally have made the choice to put my energy into this career path, but also have begun to really work hard on not letting it eat away at my soul. I’ve made a conscious choice not to get stressed out. Every time my eyes start to hurt I stop reading for a little while and every time I feel hungry I allow myself a snack. When I look out the window and see tons of beautiful snow, I let myself have ten minutes to walk in it, and even a moment to call my mom to share. I’ve forced myself to stop studying at 10 or 11, and I’ve let myself sleep in an extra hour because we have no scheduled classes right now. I guess I’ll know in the coming weeks whether this method was detrimental to my exam grades, but for now, I can’t see how it can be. Besides, at the end of this long journey, I’d rather look back and say that I had a great life, than to only be able to say that “I got some good grades those three years of law school.”

(For more on this topic read, or watch the film adaptations of, “A Christmas Carol.” I, for one, have no plans on being visited by three ghosts at the end of my time at law school.)